Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Rockel thinks this is "re-tah-did."

“Ryan Lee Nazionale
presents:
a fairty tale of
Murder, Love and Betrayal
w/one super-hero”
by
Ryan Lee Nazionale














Set: Bare stage. actors use cubes.

lights up. man on stage in suit. he is narrator.
Narrator
Once upon a time...
Enter SABRINA. She frolics toward center stage. As she hits center,
Narrator
Somebody died.
SABRINA clutches throat, gets bug-eyed, and collapses. Enter SAMUEL, friend to SABRINA.

samuel
OH, VILLIANY! VILE TREACHORY! WHY!?!?

NARRATOR
The man’s cry echoed.

samuel
WHY?!?! WHY?! Why!? Why? why?

Narrator
Why, why, why, why, why: what brings us here tonight – a harrowing tale of love, murder, betrayal and fantasy. We will uncover the dark, mysterious answer to young Samuel’s wailing query. But first...flashback.

ACTORS rise and “rewind” off stage making flashback noises.
narrator
8 months ago...

SAMUEL & SABRINA enter with acting cubes for a bench.
samuel
Well, Sabrina, here we are.
sabrina
Yes, Sammy, we are...here.

samuel
Listen, Sabrina, I was wondering if, you know, maybe, if you thought that...that cloud looked like a bunny?

sabrina
Oh. Well, sure, I can see a bunny.

samuel
I’m glad. Heh. Well, look, Sabrina, do you think maybe that you know we might could...stand up and walk around. Not you. Me. Me stand walk. You, sit, stay.

sabrina
Samuel! I am a lady, not a dog. Now what is going on here?

SAMUEL stutters and stammers and makes a general fool of himself. NARRATOR reveals a magic wand, walks behind SAMUEL and waves it a few times.
samuel
(Quickly) Sabrina I think you’re a total babe and really smart and way super awesome will you be my girlfriend?

sabrina
Oh Sammy! Yes.

They frolic offstage.
narrator
AHEM!

SAMUEL & SABRINA re-enter scowling menacingly at NARRATOR and remove cubes.
narrator
Six months later...
Enter SAMUEL & SABRINA frolic to center stage.
samuel
Sabrina, I love you.

sabrina
Oh, Sammy-wammy, I wuv you too.

Exit SAMUEL & SABRINA
Narrator
Love. Young love. Beautiful ain’t it? And what’s more beautiful than love, hmm? American fast-food.
Enter LLOYD who creates a fast food counter. He works at Burger King. He stands behind counter, enter SAMUEL & SABRINA.
LLoyd
Take ‘er urder?

samuel
Yes, I’d like to order a double whopper combo and the lady would like a Big Fish combo.

lloyd
Dranks?

samuel
Two Cokes.

lloyd
Her ‘r g’tow?

samuel
G’tow.

LLOYD passes Burger King bag and drinks over counter to SAMUEL. SAMUEL & SABRINA exit.

lloyd
Oooohh. That Sammy. ‘E really gets muh gristle. ‘At Sab-a-rina is-uh ‘spose-uh be muh lade-uh. Well, if I’s-uh cain’t have ‘er, ‘en nuther cun ‘e. (sinister laugh)

Narrator
The next day...

Enter SAMUEL & SABRINA
lloyd
Take ‘er urder?

samuel
The usual, Lloyd. (pause) With pie.

lloyd
Dranks?

samuel
Two Cokes.

lloyd
(snickers) Her ‘er g’tow?

Samuel
G’tow.

LLOYD passes bag and cups over counter grinning maniacally.
narrator
Unbeknownst to Sabrina, Lloyd had slipped her a deadly Diet Coke with Nutrasweet (pianist strikes a minor chord). A lethal beverage containing Aspartame, a chemical agent containing the popular frog and fetus preserver Formaldehyde that doubles as a fatal poison which the body stores in fat cells in the hips and thighs. Diet, right? Aspartame is highly addictive and alters the chemical makeup of the brain, specifically, dopamine levels a chemical highly related to depression. Boo hoo. Patients coming off Aspartame not only experience heavy withdrawal symptoms but lose an average of 19 pounds! Diet, right? Pregnant women who consume Aspartame run a serious risk of birth defects.
ACTORS are staring at NARRATOR
narrator
Oh. Sorry. Where were we...where were we...AH! Yes! It was a hot day and Sabrina was thirsty.

SABRINA drinks, seizes up, and dies.
samuel
What? Sabrina? (kicks SABRINA, checks pulse) Oh no...NOOO!! Now I’m angry! (rips shirt revealing a “The Hulk” t-shirt) GRRRR!! SMASH! ANGRY!!

SAMUEL jumps, stomps, smashes, etc.
narrator
This behavior went on for a solid 30, 45 seconds at which point...

Samuel settles down, pulls out wallet and hands LLOYD money
samuel
Well, now that that’s all over, here ya go Lloyd. Man, I tell you what, talk about a mistake, I couldn’t get her to shutup like ever.

lloyd
Awl guhl’s tawk too much. ‘Ay shud keeps in a kitch’n uh-makin’ me samwhiches ‘n’ ruht buhrs.
SAMUEL & LLOYD exit with cubes
narrator
Betrayal! Eegads! Samuel set her up. But this story isn’t over yet.
NARRATOR reveals wand, walks to Sabrina’s body, waves wand about her and SABRINA sits up. NARRATOR whispers in her ear and hands her gun.

THE END.

2 comments:

Rockel said...

hoo-ah... give it up for Rockel... the only (non-famous) person to have his name in an Egotistically Superior title... and the very first word in it, I might add... I rock.

so... when I read it the first time... i think I laughed non-stop thru the diet coke mono... good stuff...

when you put this on, I would like to play the role of Sabrina... provided that you play the role of Lloyd, and your mom the role of Samuel... Narrator can be anyone really... James Earl Jones... DeNiro... Brad and Angelina's baby... you pick... contact my people.

andiewade said...

i smell a sequel.