Monday, February 27, 2006

Life, Theatre, and the Future

You ever think about the future? I mean, I know there are people who get payed alot of money to think about the future: Nostradamus, Ms. Cleo, and some old dead Bible dudes. But, what about us lay-people who are not equipped with the gift of premonition, an excellent marketing scheme, or divine possession? Are we seriously expected to just carry about our daily lives never knowing what is to happen to us next? I suppose so.

I just closed my last Campbell Universtiy Theatre production and it was pretty intense. We had a great closing night and for that I am deeply grateful. To the cast of Rumors, to the crew, to Dennis Johnson, to ARG!!, to Georgia, to Mrs. Ellis, to everyone that blessed me with their knowledge and wisdom of the stage whilst I was greener than I am today (that's Bethany, Eric, Rockel, Andie, LeTrent, Zach, Hayworth, Egm, Kelly Wolfe, Monday, and anyone else that is missing from the Old Regime), and anyone and everyone that has supported me and my plight to resist the dark side: THANK YOU FOR MAKING THEATRE MY HEROINE!!

Things aren't looking so hot for Tisch. I never fooled myself into believing that I was going to be accepted so the let down isn't as hard nor as far as it could have potentially been. But, it still sucks. I want to act. I guess I'm doomed to grind it out the way so many others before me have had to do as well. Oh well, I'm in good company. I truly feel that if I can keep up the relationships with the people I have from the World of Theatre that I will never be jonesin' for a fix for too long.

Well, now I'm going to go stare into my crytal ball really hard (I bought it on QVC, great deal) and see if I can't find out precisely what it is I should be doing and where it is I'll be going. If any of you have one that works, give it a shot on my behalf. If you send me an address, I'll even send you a locke of my hair if it'll help. I mean, something, anything, just a sign...

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Musings

Yesterday, I was in the Marshbanks. That is something I do. And, typically, whilst I am there, I am eating at a bar-like area (dry campus) pressed against a window watching the world go by. On occasion, I have been known to bring a bag of tea and today was one such occasion. After a meal of salad and fruit (melon makes you "last" longer), I commenced to sipping some Tazo Honeybush (for haiku about tea go here). Just as the four minute window of steeping time had closed, I removed the bag from the mug and began to draw a long, meditative breath of delight. It was a bit cloudy outside -- not the happiest of days as I recall. I raised the brew to my lips and wallowed in the deluctable first sip of a fresh cup of savory, moist leaf. Just as that captivatingly warm liquor plummeted down my throat and into my soul I noticed, for my gaze had not left the world outside the window, that the clouds were parting and a little ray of sunlight was passing betwixt them. No joke, people. Tea, indeed, makes the sun shine.

For those of you who were unawares, the Nemein has recently been converted to the realms of the Blogspot Bloggers. It's good to know that someone is doing their part to keep the balance of Blogger v. Xanga pitted in the right direction. Let him know if you have anything original worth noting.

My final show on the Campbell University stage is coming to a close this weekend. Bittersweet to say the least (that rhymes...). There was alot of negativity and even more worried speculation at the onset of Neil Simon's Rumors, but thanks to some hard work and strict determinacy in ousting all that negativity, ladies and gentlemen, we have a show. Ellis theatre has filled a giant space in my heart and I'm not sure what nor where I will find her replacement. Perhaps more on this later....

Finally, a bit on Love. I love Love. It's so cool. I spent all day Sunday cursing Valentine's day: "Well if we're not secretly getting married because Christian marriage is being persecuted, I don't know why I should celebrate." I say Sunday and not Tuesday because everyone who has a life probably had something to do on Tuesday, so every self-respecting girlfriend/wife made their man postpone the holiday to a more convenient date. However, at the end of the day on Sunday, after a dozen roses, some sappy, chocolate covered fortune cookies, chalk-flavored heart antacids that will never be consumed because they aren't vegetarian (nothing says "I love you" like Tums), some risque literature, a delicious blackened salmon dinner with spinach and black beans, a ten-year-old bottle of vino, and a two-volume "Happy Valentines Day!!" cd-collection comprised by your truly (Vol. I "Dinner," Vol. II "After Dinner"), I came to the striking revelation that V-Day isn't all that bad. Sure it's alot of work and a pain in the ass, but who doesn't like a little romance (if you're single and boo-hooing about being lonely on Valentines, just revel in the fact that you get to save a ton of time and money -- unless you're a girl, then, nobody likes you). So here's to Love. Go Love, you so rock.

I hope you've been a-mused.

P.S. I'm so punny!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Calling All Blogspotters!!!

This second post of the day is of extreme importance.

If you look to the sidebar you will notice that there has been a frigthening shift in the balance of endorsees. Xanga Bloggers now have one more blog endorsed by The Cobra then the Blogspotters, and that, is unacceptable.

So, start sending in your requests for endorsement immediately! And I don't mean like random blogs that never get updated. Being endorsed by The Cobra bears a great deal of responsibility and I will not stand by while people shirk around their blogging duties.

BLOGGSPOTTERS UNITE!!!!!!

Democracy via America

See how well we set up elections in other countries here

And don't forget to check out Votergate to see how well we run our own elections

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Rockel thinks this is "re-tah-did."

“Ryan Lee Nazionale
presents:
a fairty tale of
Murder, Love and Betrayal
w/one super-hero”
by
Ryan Lee Nazionale














Set: Bare stage. actors use cubes.

lights up. man on stage in suit. he is narrator.
Narrator
Once upon a time...
Enter SABRINA. She frolics toward center stage. As she hits center,
Narrator
Somebody died.
SABRINA clutches throat, gets bug-eyed, and collapses. Enter SAMUEL, friend to SABRINA.

samuel
OH, VILLIANY! VILE TREACHORY! WHY!?!?

NARRATOR
The man’s cry echoed.

samuel
WHY?!?! WHY?! Why!? Why? why?

Narrator
Why, why, why, why, why: what brings us here tonight – a harrowing tale of love, murder, betrayal and fantasy. We will uncover the dark, mysterious answer to young Samuel’s wailing query. But first...flashback.

ACTORS rise and “rewind” off stage making flashback noises.
narrator
8 months ago...

SAMUEL & SABRINA enter with acting cubes for a bench.
samuel
Well, Sabrina, here we are.
sabrina
Yes, Sammy, we are...here.

samuel
Listen, Sabrina, I was wondering if, you know, maybe, if you thought that...that cloud looked like a bunny?

sabrina
Oh. Well, sure, I can see a bunny.

samuel
I’m glad. Heh. Well, look, Sabrina, do you think maybe that you know we might could...stand up and walk around. Not you. Me. Me stand walk. You, sit, stay.

sabrina
Samuel! I am a lady, not a dog. Now what is going on here?

SAMUEL stutters and stammers and makes a general fool of himself. NARRATOR reveals a magic wand, walks behind SAMUEL and waves it a few times.
samuel
(Quickly) Sabrina I think you’re a total babe and really smart and way super awesome will you be my girlfriend?

sabrina
Oh Sammy! Yes.

They frolic offstage.
narrator
AHEM!

SAMUEL & SABRINA re-enter scowling menacingly at NARRATOR and remove cubes.
narrator
Six months later...
Enter SAMUEL & SABRINA frolic to center stage.
samuel
Sabrina, I love you.

sabrina
Oh, Sammy-wammy, I wuv you too.

Exit SAMUEL & SABRINA
Narrator
Love. Young love. Beautiful ain’t it? And what’s more beautiful than love, hmm? American fast-food.
Enter LLOYD who creates a fast food counter. He works at Burger King. He stands behind counter, enter SAMUEL & SABRINA.
LLoyd
Take ‘er urder?

samuel
Yes, I’d like to order a double whopper combo and the lady would like a Big Fish combo.

lloyd
Dranks?

samuel
Two Cokes.

lloyd
Her ‘r g’tow?

samuel
G’tow.

LLOYD passes Burger King bag and drinks over counter to SAMUEL. SAMUEL & SABRINA exit.

lloyd
Oooohh. That Sammy. ‘E really gets muh gristle. ‘At Sab-a-rina is-uh ‘spose-uh be muh lade-uh. Well, if I’s-uh cain’t have ‘er, ‘en nuther cun ‘e. (sinister laugh)

Narrator
The next day...

Enter SAMUEL & SABRINA
lloyd
Take ‘er urder?

samuel
The usual, Lloyd. (pause) With pie.

lloyd
Dranks?

samuel
Two Cokes.

lloyd
(snickers) Her ‘er g’tow?

Samuel
G’tow.

LLOYD passes bag and cups over counter grinning maniacally.
narrator
Unbeknownst to Sabrina, Lloyd had slipped her a deadly Diet Coke with Nutrasweet (pianist strikes a minor chord). A lethal beverage containing Aspartame, a chemical agent containing the popular frog and fetus preserver Formaldehyde that doubles as a fatal poison which the body stores in fat cells in the hips and thighs. Diet, right? Aspartame is highly addictive and alters the chemical makeup of the brain, specifically, dopamine levels a chemical highly related to depression. Boo hoo. Patients coming off Aspartame not only experience heavy withdrawal symptoms but lose an average of 19 pounds! Diet, right? Pregnant women who consume Aspartame run a serious risk of birth defects.
ACTORS are staring at NARRATOR
narrator
Oh. Sorry. Where were we...where were we...AH! Yes! It was a hot day and Sabrina was thirsty.

SABRINA drinks, seizes up, and dies.
samuel
What? Sabrina? (kicks SABRINA, checks pulse) Oh no...NOOO!! Now I’m angry! (rips shirt revealing a “The Hulk” t-shirt) GRRRR!! SMASH! ANGRY!!

SAMUEL jumps, stomps, smashes, etc.
narrator
This behavior went on for a solid 30, 45 seconds at which point...

Samuel settles down, pulls out wallet and hands LLOYD money
samuel
Well, now that that’s all over, here ya go Lloyd. Man, I tell you what, talk about a mistake, I couldn’t get her to shutup like ever.

lloyd
Awl guhl’s tawk too much. ‘Ay shud keeps in a kitch’n uh-makin’ me samwhiches ‘n’ ruht buhrs.
SAMUEL & LLOYD exit with cubes
narrator
Betrayal! Eegads! Samuel set her up. But this story isn’t over yet.
NARRATOR reveals wand, walks to Sabrina’s body, waves wand about her and SABRINA sits up. NARRATOR whispers in her ear and hands her gun.

THE END.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Adult Swim

Wanna see what all the fuss (and fire) is about?

Check out the Cartoons that could cause WW III.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

P.S.

If you want to be super-ultra witty and totally "with it," then you have to use the ultimate in witty comeback prefixes: P.S.

Now, "P.S." is shorthand for "Post Script." Which means it comes after something already written; in speech it means it comes after something already said.

For example:

Tom: Elron Hubbard totally kicks ass! P.S. Katie Holmes is a total babe.

--OR--

Mo: I talked to God and He said that you should all listen to me because I'm totally awesome. P.S. Kill all Jews.

--OR--

The Cobra: This Quiz Totally Kicks Ass. P.S. Rockel likes boys.

This infinitely amazing language application can be used in tandem with another individuals "P.S."

For Example:

The Cobra: This Quiz Totally Kicks Ass. P.S. Rockel likes boys.
Frank: P.S. that is so last week.
Bob: P.S. Rockel's so gay he tatooed a rainbow on his forehead.
The Cobra: P.S. Bob likes Rockel's rainbow.

In order to cement this totally rockin' literary phenomenon I will present you with this completely inappropriate and wholly malicious use of the "P.S."

Lloyd: P.S. I'm an auto-mechanic.

You see how that doesn't work?!?! He didn't say anything first to constitute the need for a postscript. This faux pas could have totally been avoided had this taken place:

Lloyd: Hi. P.S. I'm an auto-mechanic.

So, ladies and gentlemen, consider yourself enlightened in the ways of modern english. I'm sure this lesson has been informative and that you all payed very close attention because there will be a quiz later.

P.S. I can't believe how much I rule.

Monday, February 06, 2006

A Quiz that Totally Doesn't Suck

True or False: This statement is False.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Sudoku

Funny Sudoku story:

Recently, during rehearsal for "Rumours" by Neil Seimon, Amber passes me a page from her sudoku. I say,
"Sudoku is way gay. I can't believe what a loser you are."

I did the puzzle completely out of spite.

The next day, I'm at Inside-Out Sports next to Whole Foods Market on Wade Avenue in Raleigh. She's working and I'm waiting for her lunch break so we can go to the airport and I can go to New York.

She has recently purchased a sudoku book.

"I don't even know how to play." says she.

"I'll show you."

I do the first three puzzles.

She's wants to play.

"Fine."

She begins.

I wait.

"5 goes there."

"I know."

She squints real hard.

"Oh."

"Sudoku is so lame."

Time passes. It's time to go to the airport. We leave. Mushy-mushy, and I'm alone next to the
terminal waiting for my plane to arrive. I've already got a new high score on my cell phone application "Tetris," and I need something else to do. After reading a chapter of Jean-Paul Sartre's "Essays in Existentialism," I go exploring in RDU.

I find a Sudoku Puzzle book in a small, overpriced bookstore. Ironkically enough, it's composed by the same person as Tracie's.

The book is mine.

I'm on puzzle 24.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Groundhogese

That being the official language of Punxsutawney Phil -- your favorite groundhog and mine.

Today, Punxsutawney Phil (P.P.) made his 119th State of the Union's Weather Address.

The result: six more depressing weeks of winter.

My spirits were high, but they were smashed down by that furry little rodent's supernatural sensory abilities in weather prediction. I'm considering having a nervous breakdown, going to intensive psychotherapy, and mailing P.P. my bills.

So, moving from P.P. to another, here are my favorite quotes from Dubyah's State of the Union Address:

"Tonight the state of our Union is strong -- and together we will make it stronger." -- Like he was gonna say "it's weak, and you morons are making it worse!"

"America rejects the false comfort of isolationism. We are the nation that saved liberty in Europe, and liberated death camps, and helped raise up democracies, and faced down an evil empire. Once again, we accept the call of history to deliver the oppressed and move this world toward peace." -- Look what I can do!

"Our offensive against terror involves more than military action. Ultimately, the only way to defeat the terrorists is to defeat their dark vision of hatred and fear by offering the hopeful alternative of political freedom and peaceful change." -- See, we fight terrorists with Hope. And hopefully we'll win; as long as Hope is on our side.

"And now the leaders of Hamas must recognize Israel, disarm, reject terrorism, and work for lasting peace. " -- Funny, I don't think those ideals are on the Hamas platform...

"We show compassion abroad because Americans believe in the God-given dignity and worth of a villager with HIV/AIDS, or an infant with malaria, or a refugee fleeing genocide, or a young girl sold into slavery." -- And we show it by making false promises to the people of Africa and protecting corrupt leaders in Haiti.

"The only alternative to American leadership is a dramatically more dangerous and anxious world." -- We are the Valium, the Paxil, and the Zoloft of the world.

"In the last two-and-a-half years, America has created 4.6 million new jobs -- more than Japan and the European Union combined." -- Did you know: In 2003, GM and Ford employed almost 700,000 people? That's over 15% of those "new jobs." So when they get laid off, they'll have somewhere else to go, right?

"Every year of my presidency, we've reduced the growth of non-security discretionary spending, and last year you passed bills that cut this spending. This year my budget will cut it again, and reduce or eliminate more than 140 programs that are performing poorly or not fulfilling essential priorities." -- This is the real cost of War. 140 programs that are not essential priorites because they are not "security" related. Here is an interesting article on how much some of these 140 programs cost. And not to mention that total federal spending has increased by 42%

"America is addicted to oil..." -- I'm yo' pushaaaaa!!!!

"We'll also fund additional research in cutting-edge methods of producing ethanol, not just from corn, but from wood chips and stalks, or switch grass." -- Switch Grass???? WTF?

"Tonight I announce an American Competitiveness Initiative, to encourage innovation throughout our economy, and to give our nation's children a firm grounding in math and science." -- 'Cuz today's youngsters cain't count so good.

"we must never give in to the belief that America is in decline" -- Deny everything.

"Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research: human cloning in all its forms, creating or implanting embryos for experiments, creating human-animal hybrids..." -- What about Mr. Tumnus? Can he stay?

"let us also work for the day when all Americans are protected by justice, equal in hope, and rich in opportunity." -- I'm sorry, but shouldn't we be rich in hope, and equal in opportunity...?

"We've entered a great ideological conflict we did nothing to invite. " -- I didn't do it, no one saw me do it, can't prove a thing!

"Before history is written down in books, it is written in courage. " -- See, before it's written, it's written, but on different stuff. It's written in soft and fluffy things like rhetoric.

"May God bless America." -- Or you can go to Hell.