Thursday, December 28, 2006

Hola

Well, I've been hassled enough to finally decide to publish a new post. I read today that there are over 200 million blogs that are no longer updated and I didn't like being in that number. I also refuse to kill The Ego eight posts shy of 100. Hope everyone is doing well and I fully intend on becoming more blog active in the near future.

In the past few months I've completely moved in with my lady. I'm actually turning in the keys to my apartment today. This is very exciting and a little scary, which adds to the excitement - in turn making it more scary and I digress... Part of the reason there has been no post is due to this very fact: I've simply been busy moving. I'll be purchasing a Mac before the end of February and that's when my e-life should be up and running again.

I hope you all had a very merry Christmas. I sure did. I went to Roxboro (AKA "The 'Boro) to spend the holiday with the ladie's family. This was an experience indeed. I enjoyed the trip, had some good eats, and received many a wine-themed gift. Tracie bought me a grill so there may soon be an invitation sent out for a party in which there will be delicious grilled fish and veggies.

The Mendenhall's are doing swell. I saw them. Recently, in fact. They did this "Christmas Carol" thing and it was good. Then we ate some pizza at The Mellow Mushroom which was also good. I got fat and laughed a lot, again: good. I hate "A Christmas Carol." I don't know why. It might have to do with my disdain for Dickens (he was a hack who wrote periodically to newspapers, all his work is too long cuz he needed the pay), the cliche that the show has become, or just the fact that no version can out-do the Muppet's. However, every year I end up at a production and I always leave smiling. I blame Tiny Tim. Blast that cripples holiday cheer.

The New Year will be spent in Columbia, partially at a wedding, partly celebrating Christmas Part II: The My Family. I have no plans for the actual Eve of New Year's, so if you'll be in Columbia and bored and 21, call me. Resolutions follow:

1. Maintain Correspondence
2. Turn off the TV (this happens the day after the Super Bowl)
3. Write
4. Read
5. Gym
6. Budget

I figure I'll stick to at least one of those.

Theatre: I still do it. I'm in King Lear. We open in February. www.peace.edu/theatre I'll be at Peace College and they might ask me to get naked. They haven't yet. We'll see what happens (see Resolution 5). I tried to be Jesus, but I'm not fit. That's a long story, though, too long and far too personal for here. Nothing else is lined up.

I've recently had the desire to move to Spain...

Adios para ahora

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Mad Libs

INTRODUCING THE NEXT BIG THING: A grandiose HUMMER.
Imagine a car. A big car. A car bigger than a gerbil. Bigger than that. Gi-normous. No, even bigger than that. A car that can destroy Glacier National Park. All by itself.

Introducing the Hummer. We start with a octagon. Then we square it off. Paint it perriwinkle blue. Put on very big belt buckle. 4,395,890 of them, in fact. You will feel like Freddie Prinze Jr.. The biggest sperm whale in your neighborhood.

finagle your Prius. debilitate the environment! Trounce!. Don't wait. The atrocious Hummer.


Try for yourself: here

Friday, September 29, 2006

Doozy

Alright people, there's alot of new posts below. If you're interested in subjects more like art or family, you should completely skip this post. If politics is your brew, this one is for you.

So, let's start by saying that I'm glad Slick Willy reacted the way he did. I'm a little too Italian to think that I wouldn't have reacted in the same way. My problem, though, isn't the interview, my problem is the offical response from the White House. Condi's all flappin' her jaw about and saying that they weren't given a solid strategy or plan for dealing with the Al Queda situation. I didn't believe her at first. But then I found this! And then this!! And now, I know the truth.

And, because he's funny, here's what Jon Stewart said about the issue:




But that's not what's really bothering me.

What's bothering me is the piece of legislation that was passed by the Senate today. With the stroke of a pen, the reputation and good will of the United States of America which took over 200 years to build, was destroyed. America has stooped to the lowest of the low when she may espouse only two years ago that "freedom from torture is an inalienable human right" and that the "United States is committed to the world-wide elimination of torture and we are leading this fight by example" and in the next breath pass legislation that would grant legality to this!

The NY Times (that old rag) calls it "our generation’s version of the Alien and Sedition Acts" for how it allows the executive to arbitrarily decide who is and isn't a terrorist and whether or not they have any right to challenge his authority.

I like Barak Obama alot. I like how he has the credibility and respect of the African Nations. I'd really like to see him make a run for VP in 2008. He voted against this legistlation, and he urged others to do so as well. "But politics won today. Politics won. The Administration got its vote, and now it will have its victory lap, and now they will be able to go out on the campaign trail and tell the American people that they were the ones who were tough on the terrorists."


"The bill also expands the definition of an unlawful enemy combatant to cover anyone who has “has purposefully and materially supported hostilities against the United States.” Quick, define “purposefully and materially.” One person has already been charged with aiding terrorists because he sold a satellite TV package that includes the Hezbollah network." (source)

Since the elected officials put in place in order to ask tough questions of the executive and keep him in check have failed to do so, someone else has to ask the questions around here: Do you believe the Administration has over the past five years earned the colossal expanse of trust the Congress is about to give it in the name of fighting terrorism? Do you believe that Administration officials will be able to accurately and adequately identify so-called "enemy combatants" here at home so as to separate out the truly bad guys from the guys who just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Did you want your legislative branch to abdicate so completely its responsibility to ensure that there are adequate checks and balances upon executive power even in a time of terror? You might have answered "no" to all three questions. But your answer doesn't matter. And neither does mine. To Congress, the answer is "yes, sir." (source)

Why is the Congress so bent on dissolving its own power? It seems with each passing year, the executive becomes more and more powerful. More signing statements, more secrecy, less oversight, more ways to go over, under, or around the legislative branch all of which are granted under the pretext that we are in a time of war.

I am not even kidding when I say my heart hurt today. My heart hurt for the USA. Last night I went and saw Burning Coal's production of 1776. Fantastic. Check out their blog on the list. But my point is, I must've been on some sort of Nationalistic/Patriotic high from learning more about the lives of the founding fathers. Maybe that's why I was so upset today. But I had the overwhelming feeling that this was a black day on American history.

Mule Days

How far they've come. I never attended. I never once heard a good Mule Days story. They've always been about getting beat up, arrested, or raped. I'm super-serial.

The Homefront

Parents: How to love your daughter.

Children: I know that you have responsible parental units when the shirt says, "Your Boyfriend is a Good Kisser" and the parents say, "I know she's a sweet girl, and I know that she's very conservative and is not sexually active."

Dog: Moldy grilled cheese sandwiches, trunk's of trees, and now...

Art

Did anyone hear about this woman who got in a boatload of trouble with the entire school district because she took students to the museum and they saw nude art. This kinda stuff makes me so bitter. I mean what do parent's honestly expect when they send their kids to the museum?! It's not like the teacher did this!

When Theatre Attacks!

I become simply giddy when someone takes a crap all over the RIAA's breakfast.

By far the coolest clouds ever photographed in the history of ever.

I don't often do movie plugs, but he is Ironman and Jon Favreau is directing.

Courtney Love's Jesus

Charts and Graphs



And remember Timmy, it's not how smart you are. It's how smart you think you are.

I'm so excited! Someone finally did a graphic analysis of intelligence versus beauty.


Monday, September 25, 2006

From the Horses' Mouth

In 30 Seconds

Stuff and Things

Hello Good Citizens,

It is I. And as in I, I mean Ego, as in Sigmund Freud in your face. What?!

Anyway, it's been an emotional Monday Night what with the Saints marching back into New Orleans and whupping on them Falcons. That's pretty painful. Atlanta doesn't have a fan in that building.

I closed An American Daughter this Sunday and it was swell fun. Met some very very cool people, got my foot in the door with another theatre in town. I'm doing King Lear in February with Peace College and I may be working on a show with Burning Coal in Oct. which takes place in a cemetery. Sounds wicked cool to me.

The Poetry Bus is coming to Durham Oct. 6th. I'm doing my damndest to be there. Check out Th3_C0bra's Xanga for at least one (and eventually, hopefully, more) poem by one of the featrued artists.

Is Jon Stewart planning a presidential run? Or do you think its just that Hollywood really wants him to? I don't know. But I would vote for him.

For all my married readers (yes, you) and all my single readers, too (that's the rest of you -- whom I think stand to gain the most from this): never forget your aniversary again. Gives new meaning to "burning ring of fire."

Get an IV league education for free.

Thursday, September 21, 2006

No Funny Business Today, Fo'ks

Hey there, hi there, ho there lads and lassies!

In case you haven't noticed by the comments left on your blogs, I can now leave comments on your blogs!! HUZZAH!!! Now, you have no choice but to hear me.

In honor of the fact that I can post comments on all your blogs, I invite you all to comment on this, ostensibly, politic free post. Without further ado, here's some wicked interesting things from today that, hopefully, won't piss off anyone who believes anything.

  1. We'll start with this awesome story which offers yet another reason why the vegetarian lifestyle can do nothing but good things for you and your health. GO VEG!
  2. Recently, The Cavorting Celt published this post about Claudia Mitchell's new bionic arm. In case your wondering how it works, here's a super-sweet article about how the doctors managed to use nerve endings in her chest to receive the signals her brain was sending to her arm (which her brain still recognized as existing) and then move the appropriate parts of the arm, often simultaneously.
  3. Random picture that r0x0r
  4. Guess what I majored in...
  5. Of course, my vote is for the Italian Renaissance.
  6. Motorcycle Roller coaster?!?!
  7. Talk about a filthy stinking drunk.

Well my collective mon freres, this is your favorite linguistic master saying "Adios..."

for now...

Green Screen Challenge

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

The Cobra's Global Initiative

Good day, citizens!

Oh, how I wish I could comment on your blogs. It is a sad day whenever I read a cohorts blog and cannot write some witty remark in reply. But soon, you will be in BloggerBeta, or BloggerBeta will stop sucking. Until then, here's some current events:

The Faith of Foot Licking

Princeton reviews Diebold's electronic voting machine

Diebold Responds

"Let us suppose, for the sake of argument, that the war declared by al-Qaeda and other Islamists is under way....If such war is under way, there are ten good reasons why, as things stand, Islam will not be defeated in it." I like #2.

I've read ten books on this list

I just watched the film Waiting for Guffman. Funny movie. You should see it.

I've also been seeing alot of Bill Clinton lately. He's promoting his Global Initiative and I really like it. Perhaps I will post on that soon. They really do amazing work, like bringing sterile surgical tools to clinics and helping to create sterile water systems in under-developed areas of Africa. The coolest part, is they make people sign their names on the dotted line. So, once you commit, since you're a private individual and not a corrupt government, you can be held accountable in a REAL court of law. But you see, no one gets sued. They just follow-through. It's effing brilliant.

In reverence to Clinton's Global Initiative, I've decided to start The Cobra's Global Initiative. My mission is simple: to get everyone to, once a day, when someone/thing is causing you ire, shake your fist in response to their humbuggery. I believe that this will lower stress all over the nation and violent crime rates will be reduced -- certainly road rage.

Apologists Need Not Apply

Support our President!!

Existentialist Cowboy

"It’s unacceptable to think" -- W.

"We are conducting military operations inside Iran right now." -- U.S. Air Force Colonel Sam Gardiner.

Senate NSA Approval

More NSA Approval

Stop NSA Approval

Oil down, approval up

Monday, September 18, 2006

Nobody Expects the Spanish Inquisition

So yea, Blogger in Beta isn't as super awesome as I had originally anticipated. Can't comment on non-beta blogs, can't post YouTube files, can't get any new super sweet templates. It's kinda lame. So, we wait for it to come OUT of Beta. Until then, here's some interesting headlines:

Be heard.

The Associated Press is a terrorist organization

Microsoft vs. Apple Round 3

Walking Shark found in Bird's Head

Silly Walk Generator

And I also heard that gas was going to continue to fall in price as we get closer to the electi.....Thanksgiving.

In lighter news, I finished The Brothers Karamazov. Such a good book. I'm not sure how I feel about the ending. So much uncertainty. There's also the deification of a major character. Granted, Doestoevsky makes no bones about who the hero of the novel is. He tells you in the opening chapter. Regardless, if you haven't read this book, I highly(!) recommend it. One of the most intriguing parts of the novel goes like this:

Many many moons ago, in a small town in Spain, Jesus returned to Earth. This was during the height of the Inquisition. While Jesus was performing his first miracles, during his first hour back on Earth, the Grand Inquisitor sees him, catches him in the act. The Inquisitor looks at Jesus, and has him arrested, so great is the power that he holds through fear. What follows in the prison of the Inquisition is the Grandest Inquisition ever heard. Jesus listens unflinchingly, uninteruptively. The Inquisitor breaks down the three temptations of Christ in the desert, and how through those three denials of Christ (bread, angelic protection, and the ultimate denial of power and control), He had relinquished all his control over men, for if any man controls the means of sustenance and protection for the masses, that man will be he who is worshipped by the people, for Man is weak, and not perfect, like Christ, and not capable of refusing such dire, neccesary and base elements of this world.
So, the inquisitor, in closing says to Christ "thou cantst return," since He had already passed the keys. The Inquisitor's position was that so long as the Papacy existed and that that order which possessed the keys to the Kingdom of God was held infallable in the eyes of Man and God, that Jesus had no right to come back and that it would undo all He had wrought.

One other story, also of strong religious connotations goes like this:

An agnostic man, strong in his disbelief in God and all faiths, notorious among he community and peers for being such a devout agnostic died. And when he died he found himself in a great void, alone. A voice echoed through the darkness that he was to walk a Trillion miles at the end of which he would arive at the gates of heaven. Hearing this, he scoffed, and lay down, and went to sleep.
There he sat, now sleeping, now awake, for many thousands of years, when suddenly, one day, perhaps consumed by boredom, the man rose and began walking. And after an eternity he arrived at the gates of heaven and was welcomed into the Kingdom whereupon he exclaimed, through weeping eyes that he would walk a Trillion Trillions of miles to be there in the presence of the Lord.

Read this book.

I need a new one. I'm debating One Hundred Years of Solitude, Arabian Knights, or Pilgrim's Progress. You can vote in the new poll!

Well, all, it's Daily Show time. Hopefully I'll be able to put up some video's soon, for there are a few I'd like to discuss with ya'll.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Ego 2.0 (Beta)

Ahoy hoy readers!

If you're a member of Blogger, then you should have heard about the new Blogger Beta. In case you hadn't noticed, I've updated. Again, I effectively display how much more awesome I am than you. I'm all ahead of the blogging curve, forging ahead into Beta mode while all your "Pre-Beta" bloggers are floundering about in that old-school world of Blogger 1.o. Here's a break down of how I feel about it.

  • Template editing is super-sweet. Drag and drop elements such as links and pictures all over without having to edit lines of code I don't understand.
  • I can't comment on your old, prehistoric blogs. Update!! Immediately! So that I might troll your blog with incessant, egotistical babblings and ravings.
  • And the new look and feel is pleasing to me, and me is all that matters.

There are some very cool, very new links listed to the right as well. I highly recommend some of them, not all of them, though all of them are cool, all of them are not "highly" recommended as there wouldn't be a "best" link (which is obviously the one that says "Go Veg!").

Many people have been newly endorsed. Let me be the first to congratulate you. CONGRATULATIONS!!!! You have recently been found worthy of The Cobra's endorsement. You will soon be the envy of all your blogging cohorts...except for those who are also on the list, in which case, I've prepared the following dialogue to help you feel superior to them.

You: I just got endorsed by The Cobra! My blog totally kicks your blogs ass!

Them: Uh, no. I've been endorsed by The Cobra for like almost a year now.

You: No you haven't.

And with that, citizen, you have indisputably proven the superiority of your blog. This can also be accomplished by putting the word "superior" (or some derivative thereof) into the title of your blog, but then you'd be copying me, the greatest blogger ever.

I would like to draw your attention to the Propaganda Pipeline. This is done by the Hayworth and frequently makes me laugh right out loud. Visit his page. Laugh out loud. It'll be great. You'll love it.

Expect continued changes from the Ego as time goes on and Blogger lets me do more cooler things that you can't do because you're all living in the dark ages.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Wrestling with Katherine Harris

Many many moons ago, December 22 to be exact, Matthew Kay Rockel posted a link to Ultimate Christian Wrestling. Intrigued, I perused the site fervently stumbling upon this very interesting site. This "very interesting site" is at the crux of this post (at least it comprises one-third of the crux of this post). It's about the history of America. Specifically, the history of The Bible in America. It's a page about how Christianity was a major influence in the founding of America and even played a serious role in the drafting of both The Declaration of Independence and The Constitution. It provides such intersting quotes as:

"Consider these words by John Adams, our second president, who also served as chairman of the American Bible Society. In an address to military leaders he said, 'We have no government armed with the power capable of contending with human passions, unbridled by morality and true religion. Our constitution was made only for a moral and religious people. It is wholly inadequate to the government of any other.'"

"Consider these words from George Washington, the Father of our Nation, in his farewell speech on September 19, 1796: 'It is impossible to govern the world without God and the Bible. Of all the dispositions and habits that lead to political prosperity, our religion and morality are the indispensable supporters. Let us with caution indulge the supposition that morality can be maintained without religion. Reason and experience both forbid us to expect that our national morality can prevail in exclusion of religious principle.'"

"Bible reading was now unconstitutional , though the Bible was quoted 94 percent of the time by those who wrote our constitution and shaped our Nation and its system of education and justice and government."

So, as you can probably guess, it digresses into a diatribe about how Christianity is under attack in this modern, ultra-liberal America which we find ourselves. When I read this -- many many moons ago -- it weighed heavily on me and I found it quite interesting and even wondered if it was true that so many of these founding fathers were so devout as this page unsupportively claims.

That was until today. When I found this extremely interesting page. Not only does it stand in brazen oppossition to the Forsaken Roots article, but it even sites sources. The website makes such claims:

"George Washington, the first president of the United States, never declared himself a Christian according to contemporary reports or in any of his voluminous correspondence....On his deathbed, Washinton uttered no words of a religious nature and did not call for a clergyman to be in attendance."

"It was during [John] Adam's administration that the Senate ratified the Treaty of Peace and Friendship, which states in Article XI that 'the government of the United States of America is not in any sense founded on the Christian Religion.'"

Now, let's make this a little more current. Today, I read this interview with Katherine Harris in which she offers unto us ignorant lay-people her absolutely ingenious interpretation of the constitution:

"...salt and light means not just in the church and not just as a teacher or as a pastor or a banker or a lawyer, but in government and we have to have elected officials in government and we have to have the faithful in government and over time, that lie we have been told, the separation of church and state, people have internalized, thinking that they needed to avoid politics and that is so wrong because God is the one who chooses our rulers."

Now, I've never heard of Katherine Harris before today, but from what my lady-friend tells me, she had alot to do with some disenfrachisment in Florida back in 2000. She also voted 100% of the time in line with the Christian Coalition.

So, query:

Is the separation of church and state a lie? Regardless, is the religious affiliation of our founding fathers, either individually or as a whole (i.e. mostly Christian, mostly Deist, mostly atheistic), relevant in determining the validity of the constitutitionality of the separation of church and state? How so and why or why not?

Saturday, August 19, 2006

Long Time No Speaky Speaky

Dear Ego,

Howdy. How you been? Haven't talked to you for a while. I've been neglecting you, I know. I've just been busy. What with working this job at First Citizens. I sit in a cube. It's kinda lame, but the pay is good. In my spare time, I've been hitting the gym and getting in shape. I haven't been the the gym in the last week because I started work at Theatre in the Park at Pullen Park. I have a very tiny tiny role and they don't pay anything but maybe it will lead to better things down the road. Otherwise life is pretty peachy and I can't really complain and even if I did no one would want to hear it.
But I know no one ever reads this thing anymore, so, I'm gonna complain.

Well, Ego, I gotta get going. Thanks for listening. I've got lots to do today including seeing Snakes on a Plane which is totally in line with classic B-films. Anyone who appreciates such awesome films like The Blob, The Fly, Attack of the Killer Tomatoes, or Killer Clowns from Outer Space is practically required to go see this film, and I, fortunately, am in that very bizarre demographic.

I also need to find a new book. I read the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy at work in ten days. I finished in the morning of the day of my 30-day review, at which I was told not to read anymore. But still, that book totally rocked my whole face off and you need to go read it right now. Maybe I'll try The Silmarillion again. Back at CU, I borrowed Andie's copy and only made about a fourth of the way through but I think I'm ready for it now. I also am about halfway done with Plato's The Republic. It's over 300 pages of Socratic dialogue, so I have to read it in parts. I just finished the best part about Plato's creation of the philosopher-king. Afterwards, irony punched me in the kidney.

Take care of yourself, Ego.

Sincerely,

--The Cobra

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

My Eyes Have Seen You

I took these pictures:





Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Sunday, June 11, 2006

C.S. Lewis

Shadowlands


It's a story about C.S. Lewis. Well, not so much a "story" as it is a "play." Well, not a "play" but just a play. Well not just a play, it's a spectacular theatre experience hosted by the good people at Arising Light Productions.


Dates: June 16, 17, 22, 23 @ 8PM

June 24 @ 2 PM


Shows are in Raleigh off of Glenwood Ave. near Pleasant Valley Rd. next to a Heavenly Ham. Visit Arising Light's website for directions and tickets, or buy them at the door, but if they sell out, that's a personal problem.


Come see our show!

Monday, June 05, 2006

St. Elsewhere

I done told you once.



In April, the band's bass-heavy single, "Crazy," topped the British singles chart as the first track to reach No. 1 based on computer download sales alone.

(source)

Saturday, June 03, 2006

Why You Should Support the President

Signing Statements
The NSA Surveillance Program
The Patriot Act
Hurricane Katrina
Ban on Stem Cell Research
War in Iraq
War in Afghanistan
"Mission Accomplished"
Re-Classify De-Classified Information
320+ Vacation Days
Stoppin' 'em queers ferm gettin' merreed
Nepotism
WMD's

And

For Him Being the Decider

[que fanfare]

Monday, May 29, 2006

Friday, May 26, 2006

Thursday, May 25, 2006

Spanglish

So, in the midst of an all out immigration war on the home-front, our esteemed president wants to make English the National Language. This is different from the current system insofar that English is, right now, only our "official" language. The only major change that will result in the shift from "official" to "National" is that individuals and organizations would be able to deny people goods and services if they do not speak English.

Ask me: What's wrong with that?

Nothing on the surface. It stands to reason that individuals speaking a language other than English would be forced to seek out alternative providers of goods and services; ones that specialize in serving individuals with said linguistic "deficiencies." This is great for competition and capitalism as a whole. We will provide a federally sponsored program for major corporate conglomerates to expand and even price discriminate against individuals who speak foreign languages due to the "hardship" imposed on the company for having to "deal" with non-English speaking individuals. This starts off sounding good...and moves to bad. Did you see that shift? It happened around "federally sponsored program."

Additionally, any and all public services could (and WILL!!) be denied to individuals speaking foreign languages. What happens here is that anyone who needs emergency care will be denied that service if they can't fill out this form, in triplicate, in English. It also means that any foreign speaking persons wanting to reserve the baseball field at the local state park will be denied said service. It also means no welfare for foreigners, which sounds all well and good, but many of them are less likely to apply for welfare than English speaking, US Citizens (source).

I don't understand why this topic was even brought up by our esteemed leader, George Herbert Walker Bush, as he has enough on his plate to concern himself with than something like this. I mean, when I hear people speak in support of English as the national language, I can't help but wonder "What Would Hitler Do?" And I think he would make Aryan the National Race, too.

In conclusion, I would like to say that I side with those that call this racism. I sincerely believe that this is directed at Spanish speaking individuals. Do I feel concern over whether this will pass? No. I'm sure this type of legislation has been suggested in the past during periods of high immigration by persons from Asia and Europe. Our nation needs be less xenophobic than it has already grown to be, and support of this type of legislation does nothing more than further an ideology of intolerance and fear.

However, I would support any legislation that called for Spanglish as the national language.

Friday, May 19, 2006

It's Alive!

No, it's not Jell-O. But, speaking of Jell-O, I never knew why anyone would eat anything who's slogan was "It's Alive!" I prefer to eat things that have been dead, and for some time. That's also assuming I'm eating something that had at one point been alive, which is a rarity indeed.

On a less gelatinous note, I, as Jell-O, am alive, but not in the wiggly, jiggly, been in the fridge for several hours kinda way. Moreso, I'm alive in a "I have yet to kick the bucket and join the bleeding choir almighty" kinda way. I graduated from college and now have my MBA. Hizzah! To celebrate, the Rockel bought me one of these:























For those of you unawares, or illiterate (and if this is the case, why you have ventured to the Ego is beyond me), that is Johnny Walker Blue Label "The Connoisseurs' Blend." The age of the whiskey (Scotch whiskey) is uncertain, but they are all kept for a minimum of 25 years, maturing in oak, with a strong peaty flavor yet remarkably smooth to the palate. So smooth, in fact, that we polished off a fifth of this ridiculously expensive liquor in an evening at the end of which we walked a mile and a half across Harnett County back to 30-Dizzle from a raucous party full of recent grads and a bonfire. I remember little of the trek back, but I recorded some thoughts on my phone including this message to myself:

"The Rockel wishes I was bald."

Bastardo.

That's spanish for "bastard."

I'm a linguistics genius.

Since then I've been diligently preparing to move to Raleigh. I'll be living next door to Cameron Village, so anyone looking to have a good time in the downtown metropolitan areas should look me up as you would not have to drive anywhere -- which totally rocks face. As far as work is concerned: HA! But seriously, I need a job. You wanna pay me 40K a year to do nothing? No? Maybe someone else will. Hell, I have my MBA.

I'm currently working on a production of Shadowlands, directed by Luke Custer, with Arising Light Productions. Buy tickets online and come see my show. It'll be great, you'll love it.

The force most responsible for my absence in the 'blog world has been my computer. After successfully discovering the cure for e-AIDS, I reinstalled the World of Warcraft and have since been fervently attempting to make hunter Grimthaka and his pet tiger, Tang, a dual force to be reckoned with. I am currently level 22 and need to get to 60. So, in the event of another prolonged absence, go to Wal-Mart, buy World of Warcraft, join the Horde, create a character in the server "Zul'jin," send Grimthaka a tell (and money) and we can have a wonderful fantasy conversation in a world that does not exist -- but, oh, how we love to pretend it does.

Speaking of which, there are Kodo Beasts and Deepweater Moss Spiders that need being slain today. So, adieu (there I go with the linguistics, again). In the meantime, listen to some Gnarls Barkley. They are a new hip-hop group coming to you as a collaboration of former Goody Mob member, Cee-Lo, and DJ Danger Mouse. Both are very good at what they do and they bring a strong, positive message through hip-hop music with sick-nasty, progressive beats. Check out the video for "Crazy" at Yahoo! Launch for a serious mind trip.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Sunday, April 16, 2006

Discuss

"If life's not beautiful without the pain, well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again."
--Modest Mouse The View

Friday, April 14, 2006

OH, HIZZAH!

photo courtesy RachelC

And there was much rejoicing...

yay...

You see how I did that? With the winning of the war? I don't mess around. I get Blogger on my side. Indeed, the 'blog gods saw fit to thwart the Rockel, placing themselves firmly on the side of the Ego. I am a bit saddened, however. I had some marvellous ideas brewing about, including a bit about joining the "Nazi" party as suggested by one AlohaAmby. Ah, well, I have won and that is all that is important. No, wait, it's not. Rockel lost. That, too, is important, and vastly so. So, no more tooly bits (for now), and no more war. Alas, if America's wars were this fun, entertaining, bloodless, and winnable...

Rockel - 0

Ego - 1

w00t

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

This is Where Rockel Lives:



That's a toolbox. It's a box for tools. Actually, it's my toolbox. That means that Rockel is my tool. Do not be mislead: the Rockel works for me. I'm so good at 0wn1n9 the Rockel that he has no clue that I've been using him such.

P.S. Rockel is the tooliest tool in my box of tools.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Dear Matthew Kay Rockel,

Don't F with me.

The First Step

I know.
It's tough.
It hurts,
Sometimes.

The vicious cycle
Of your daily life
Is crippling
Your deceit.

It's time.
Fess up.
Only then
Can recov'ry begin.

And just in case you want me to spell it out for you, that's cuz your a tool and you need to amit it.

Here's a visual representation:


Take your pick. That one's Rockel. With his own little pouch to protect him from the oooh-scary world.

Oh, no he didn't!

It's one thing to jump all up and down like "Aspartame won't give you Cancer, just lymphona, holes in your brain, fat thighs, and retarded babies."

But you crossed the line...

The American Heart Association likes vegetarianism:

"Numerous studies comparing vegetarians and nonvegetarians have reported lower levels of serum cholesterol and lower mortality rates in the former"

"A vegetarian diet appears to induce blood pressure reduction in hypertensive individuals"

"Similarly, high-fiber vegetarian diets have also been associated with reduced risk of obesity." Source

"Most vegetarian diets are low in animal products. They’re also usually lower than nonvegetarian diets in total fat, saturated fat and cholesterol. Many studies have shown that vegetarians seem to have a lower risk of obesity, coronary heart disease (which causes heart attack), high blood pressure, diabetes mellitus and some forms of cancer.
Vegetarian diets can be healthful and nutritionally sound if they’re carefully planned to include essential nutrients." Source

"I had three arteries with anywhere from 90 to 99 percent blockage. After the surgery, he told me to 'be a vegetarian,' which I 'took to heart.' He also said, "At the age of 40, you have the coronary arteries of a 65-year-old." That was in 1983, so it's been many years since I had the surgery. I've had no return of symptoms, and my last treadmill test was fine." Source

As does the American Cancer Society:

"Some studies have linked vegetarian diets to lower risk for heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, obesity, and certain types of cancer (i.e., colon cancer)."

"Many vegetarianism proponents believe a vegetarian diet promotes health because it contains less saturated fat, protein, and cholesterol than omnivorous diets. ... Vegetarian diets also provide more fiber, vitamins, minerals, antioxidants, and phytochemicals (plant chemicals) than diets containing meat."

"Studies indicated an increased risk of colon and prostate cancer with increased animal fat intake. An increase in the consumption of beans and lentils appeared to decrease the risk of colon cancer and prostate cancer."

"A population study in Germany found the death rate for colon cancer was lower among moderate and strict vegetarians compared with that of the general population." Source

And so does the American Medical Association:

"The findings of Davidson et al1 support their conclusion that "free-living persons can effectively incorporate lean red meats into their diets ... without compromising the lipid-lowering benefits of the diet" only if one concedes that such diets, in fact, have virtually no lipid-lowering effect at all."

"A low-fat vegetarian diet can reduce the need for cholesterol-lowering drugs and cardiac surgery. Unlike drugs or surgery, its side effects are entirely desirable, including weight loss, blood pressure reduction, and better diabetic control. " Source

"Vegetarian adolescents were significantly more likely than nonvegetarian adolescents to meet the Healthy People 2010 objectives. This was particularly noteworthy for total fat (70% vs 48%), saturated fat (65% vs 39%), daily servings of vegetables (26% vs 14%), and 5 or more servings of fruits and vegetables (39% vs 28%). Vegetarians were also less likely to eat fast food or drink regular soda and fruit drinks. " Source

Not to mention those looney, alternative medicine, holistic fo'k:

"Reviewing 200 cases of so-called spontaneous regression of cancer, Canadian professor Harold Foster, Ph.D., found in 1988 that the great majority of these people (88 percent) had made major dietary changes-usually switching to a strictly vegetarian diet" Source

And what's this: Sports Science?

0wn3d.

Saturday, April 08, 2006

En Gaurde!

Wikipedia cites:

The proven abilityof aspartame to inhibit the glucose-induced release of serotonin within the brain may also affect behaviors, such as satiety and sleep.

Methanol has no therapeutic properties and is considered only as a toxicant. The ingestion of two teaspoons is considered lethal inhumans.

"is considered a cumulative poison due to the low rate of excretion once it is absorbed. In the body, methanol is oxidized to formaldehyde and formic acid; both of these metabolites are toxic."

They also cite:

"It was a very interesting paper, that demonstrates that formaldehyde formation from aspartame ingestion is very common and does indeed accumulate within the cell, reacting with cellular proteins (mostly enzymes) and DNA (both mitochondrial and nuclear). The fact that it accumulates with each dose, indicates grave consequences among those who consume diet drinks and foodstuffs on a daily basis."

There's even lawsuits:

Lawsuits were filed in three separate California courts against twelve companies who either produce or use the artificial sweetener aspartame as a sugar substitute in their products.

The suits allege that the food companies committed fraud and breach of warranty by marketing products to the public such as diet Coke, diet Pepsi, sugar free gum, Flintstone's vitamins, yogurt and children's aspirin with the full knowledge that aspartame, the sweetener in them, is neurotoxic. Aspartame is a drug masquerading as an additive. It interacts with other drugs, has a synergistic and addictive effect with MSG, and is a chemical hyper-sensitization agent

And don't forget the conspiracies:

Contained in the lawsuit is the key role played by current Secretary of Defense, Donald Rumsfeld in helping to get aspartame pushed through the FDA. Back in the 1980s, Rumsfeld was the President and CEO of Searle who originally owned the patent on aspartame. Plaintiffs maintain that Rumsfeld used his political muscle to get aspartame approved by the FDA despite objections of many FDA health researchers and negative studies

Say it! No ideas but in things.

'Blog Wars are Fun

Nuclear wars are not.

Matthew Kay Rockel

For those of you that weren't aware:

Matthew Rockel, of Red What and Blue, has the middle name "Kay." That's a girl's name.*

For those of you that weren't aware:

In our experimental conditions, it has been demonstrated, for the first time, that [Aspartame] causes a statistically significant, dose related increase in lymphomas and leukaemia in females at dose levels very near those to which humans can be exposed.

The first results of our study call for urgent re-examination of permissable exposure levels of [Aspartame] in both food and beverages, especially to protect children.


For those of you that weren't aware:

Scientists agree that approximately 10% of aspartame (by mass) is broken down into methanol in the small intestine. Most of the methanol is absorbed and quickly converted into formaldehyde. Some scientists believe...the levels of methanol and particularly formaldehyde have been proven to cause chronic toxicity in humans, and the low levels of methanol and formaldehyde in human metabolism are tightly-controlled such that significant increases from aspartame ingestion are not safe.

Phenylalanine is an amino acid commonly found in foods. Approximately 50% of aspartame (by mass) is broken down into phenylalanine. Because aspartame is metabolized and absorbed very quickly (unlike phenylalanine-containing proteins in foods), it is known that aspartame could spike blood plasma levels of phenylalanine.

Based on case histories from aspartame users, measuring levels of neurotransmitters in the brains of animals and measuring the potential of aspartame to cause seizures in animals, some scientists believe that aspartame may affect neurotransmitter production. They believe that even a moderate spike in blood plasma phenylalanine levels from typical ingestion may have adverse consequences in long-term use. They are especially concerned that the phenylalanine can be concentrated in fetal brains to a potentially neurotoxic level...they feel that humans are approximately 5-6 times more susceptible to the effects of excitotoxins than are rodents...they are particularly concerned with potential effects in infants and young children


For those of you that weren't aware:

Matthew Rockel is
Retarded and super lame.
He can't count to five.

* Actually it's an Old Welsh boy's name. That makes him a sheep shagger.

Thursday, April 06, 2006

Llamas

Kinda

Play my contest!!

Thursday, March 30, 2006

YOUR MOM GOES TO COLLEGE!!

Now, you and I both know that this is the ultimate, super-awesome, "you got totally burned," cut-down ever to be invented in the history of the dozens.

But it's time to take this a step further. Just like "your mom" evolved into "your mom is so fat/ugly/stinky/nasty/furry" etc. we must expand the "your mom goes to college" insult to epic social proportions.

With that said, I'm starting a totally awesome contest. Grand Prize is a personalized congratulatory blog entry all about you with your name in the title. That's right, your name, in the title bar, of THE COBRA's blog. Thanks me later.

Here's the contest:

Come up with the sweetest "your mom goes to college" joke.

That's it.

Here's a few that so rock and don't count for the contest. Otherwise, I would have already won.

I totally saw your mom filling out a FAFSA yesterday.

Did your mom get that scholarship?

I just saw your mom buying a scantron from the bookstore.

So there are some examples. Hit me with your best shot and good luck to all!!!

Friday, March 24, 2006

A Pretty Lady in Spain




This is my girlfriend!! She's a beautiful woman spending three months in Spain. Her blog is atop the list of endorsees. Please visit her blog (and all the others on my list) as she has had many splendiferous adventures already. She would love to hear from people in America and I believe much of her experience will provide an excellent forum for discussion on the trade of culture in an increasingly global economy.....it's the subject of my latest literary venture.

Mis Aventuras




I miss my pretty lady...

Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Free-dumb of Religion

I love how America marches into other countries and topples their government, installs their own, then builds oil pipelines for the Vice President's former Corporation (that's Halliburton). I'm talking about Afghanistan. The Taliban was an oppressive, murderous form of government that harbored terrorists (I'm being serious). So, toppling that regime wasn't sooooo bad. I'm just a little bitter that they lied about why they did it.

Alot of people have forgotten about Afghanistan but this article brought a very strong reminder to me.

I can't believe that we totally overthrew their government on the basis that it was an oppressive theocracy, then allowed them to write a contradictory constitution that claims to allow freedom of religion while at the same time making conversion from Islam to any other religion a capital offense. This guy has one defense: that he is mad. Otherwise, they'll kill him because he loves Jesus.

Let's chalk up another notch for the War on Terror and the spread of democracy in the Middle East.

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

An Intelligence Issue

"Budget constraints are forcing some FBI agents to operate without e-mail accounts, according to the agency's top official in New York." -- Source

Wasn't intelligence a serious issue with (the lack of) prevention for 9/11? So, wouldn't it be intelligent to support intelligence? And by support, I mean allow them to communicate more efficiently. Maybe we should invent some sort of agency that can help us with our intelligence....

Thursday, March 16, 2006

Gitmo

Check this article out.

Now, I realize you guys don't like polls. You made that quite evident a few days ago. But let me ask this:

Should the United States shut down Guantanamo Bay? I think they should. It is in my opinion that nothing of any substantive worth is taking place down there except the torture and imprisonment of individuals who are being denied basic human rights, up to and including the unalienable stuff our own nation was built on.

Now, the EU is stepping up to the plate, calling for Gitmo to be shut down as well. The U.N. has been very vocal in the past few months in their push for the prison's termination.

Whatcha got fo'ks?

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Eric Said So

Oscar night 2006 arrived during the season of Lent much to my chagrin. I am an overwhelmingly huge fan of the Stewart, Jon and, ever so slightly less, the Academy. I visited the vastly booming metropolis of Atlanta to visit the Mendenhall's for an evening and watched the Oscar's with them.

Kinda

I'm fasting television.

Instead, Bethany followed along on the computer. As the winner was announced, the site was updated, and the men (that's Eric and Me) were to postulate the winner, submitting an official selection the Misses of the Mendenhall's. Since I was a guest in their home, demanded fish, and refused to allow them the pleasure of watching the television...

I let Eric win.

I did! You can call me a liar, a fraud, a bullshitter of the highest order, but, alas, it is so. I know, Eric, it hurts. You thought you beat me. ME! He of the Greatest Ego! THE Cobra. Sorry, you did not. You were appeased.

Overall, 12 of my picks were good. I failed to give Memoirs of a Geisha their due respect and I paid for it. It didn't help when I tried to and John Williams got beat by gay cowboys (wtf). And you already know how I feel about pimps wit' dey "hoes on a tray." "Hoes" being a synonym for "Snow Bunny" which is a synonym for "White woman of ill repute."

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Toothpaste for Dinner



They've expanded. Check out Married to the Sea.

Monday, March 13, 2006

This Just In

It's just a slap on the wrist...

Poll Question: Should we censure the president?

Slobodan

13 Days Later

And that Spring Break post is coming.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

'Tis a Black Day

Man it seems like I'm duckin dodgin bullets everyday
Niggaz hatin on me cause I got, hoes on the tray
But I gotta stay paid, gotta stay above water
Couldn't keep up with my hoes, that's when shit got harder
North Memphis where I'm from, I'm 7th Street bound
Where niggaz all the time end up lost and never found
Man these girls think we prove thangs, leave a big head
They come hopin every night, they don't end up bein dead
Wait I got a snow bunny, and a black girl too
You pay the right price and they'll both do you
That's the way the game goes, gotta keep it strictly pimpin
Gotta have my hustle tight, makin change off these women, yeah


--From Academy Award Winning song for Achievement in Music Written for Motion Pictures (Original Song) "It's Hard Out There for a Pimp" by Djay featuring Shug.
This song beat Dolly Parton and an amazing compilation from Crash. Their acceptance speech follows:

"Oh, my. Hey, we want to thank Keith Young our choreographer. And the whole Sony Records, Lisa Ellis, our moms, our whole families. Thank you, Jesus. And for giving us a chance, the Academy. We love the Academy. You know what I'm saying? Gil Cates. Everybody. I got plenty of time. Ain't nobody else. I want to thank everybody. Yeah. Donnie Ienner. Once again our families. Ludacris. What's up? Going down. George Clooney, my favorite man, he showed me love when I first met him. We bringing the house. We out of here. Memphis, Tennessee!"

I'm road-trippin' through Spring Break so, when I get back to the Creek I'll let everyone know how I fared in overall Oscar picks as well as an overall Spring Break-down. Hope everyone enjoyed watching Oscar Night because I certainly did. Possibly, the best Oscar Night ever....

Wednesday, March 01, 2006

TricycleBlog

P.S. I found this Blog by happenstance and immediately found it worthy of my endorsement.

Who (k)News?

She says: Fox News is the only truthful news program out right now. At least they give you both sides of the argument and have intelligent people arguing like Bill O'Reilly and Hannity and Colmes.

I respond: I am going to say this once and I want you to listen. Fox News needs to take their cock out of the Bush Administrations asshole.

So for all you Fox News advocates, this post's for you.

Zogby Poll States:
72% of American troops serving in Iraq think the U.S. should exit the country within the next year.
90% of Reserves favor withdrawal
83% of the National Guard favor withdrawal
70% of the Army favor withdrawal
58% of the Marines do, too
Almost 75% of National Guard and Reserve units favor withdrawal within 6 months.

42% of active troops are confused about their mission in Iraq
85% stated they were there “to retaliate for Saddam's roll in the 9-11 attacks”
77% said “to stop Saddam from protecting Al Qaeda in Iraq”

93% recognize they are not there to remove Weapons of Mass Destruction.
76% do not believe that the United States is establishing a democracy that can be a model for the Arab world.
11% accept the rationale that securing oil was a major purpose for going to war

Source

"We're making progress of dismantling al Qaeda. Slowly but surely we're bringing the people to justice and the world is better for it...It's not a matter of if they're captured and brought to justice, it's when they're brought to justice." George W. Bush

Bush's Approval rating has "stabilized" at an amazing 40%!

General William Odom, a Retired General, Former national security adviser to President's Carter and Reagan describes the Iraq War as “the most strategic foreign policy disaster in U.S. history.”

Brent Scowcroft, President George H.W. Bush's national security adviser argued in 2002 before the decision to invade Iraq that: “An attack on Iraq at this time would seriously jeopardize, if not destroy, the global counterterrorist campaign we have undertaken.”

Zbigniew Brzezinski, national security adviser to President Carter, describes President George W. Bush's foreign policy as “suicidal statecraft” and writes “Flailing away with a stick at a hornets' nest while loudly proclaiming 'I will stay the course' is an exercise in catastrophic leadership.”

Source
(This guy wants to be a Senator?)

Bush Visits the World's Largest Democracy. Hint: It wasn't America.

Great Pictures

And don't forget that while Dubyah is frolicking about the Middle East, Katrina is getting better...j/k j/k...

I have to go now, but MAN! did that feel good.

Monday, February 27, 2006

Life, Theatre, and the Future

You ever think about the future? I mean, I know there are people who get payed alot of money to think about the future: Nostradamus, Ms. Cleo, and some old dead Bible dudes. But, what about us lay-people who are not equipped with the gift of premonition, an excellent marketing scheme, or divine possession? Are we seriously expected to just carry about our daily lives never knowing what is to happen to us next? I suppose so.

I just closed my last Campbell Universtiy Theatre production and it was pretty intense. We had a great closing night and for that I am deeply grateful. To the cast of Rumors, to the crew, to Dennis Johnson, to ARG!!, to Georgia, to Mrs. Ellis, to everyone that blessed me with their knowledge and wisdom of the stage whilst I was greener than I am today (that's Bethany, Eric, Rockel, Andie, LeTrent, Zach, Hayworth, Egm, Kelly Wolfe, Monday, and anyone else that is missing from the Old Regime), and anyone and everyone that has supported me and my plight to resist the dark side: THANK YOU FOR MAKING THEATRE MY HEROINE!!

Things aren't looking so hot for Tisch. I never fooled myself into believing that I was going to be accepted so the let down isn't as hard nor as far as it could have potentially been. But, it still sucks. I want to act. I guess I'm doomed to grind it out the way so many others before me have had to do as well. Oh well, I'm in good company. I truly feel that if I can keep up the relationships with the people I have from the World of Theatre that I will never be jonesin' for a fix for too long.

Well, now I'm going to go stare into my crytal ball really hard (I bought it on QVC, great deal) and see if I can't find out precisely what it is I should be doing and where it is I'll be going. If any of you have one that works, give it a shot on my behalf. If you send me an address, I'll even send you a locke of my hair if it'll help. I mean, something, anything, just a sign...

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Musings

Yesterday, I was in the Marshbanks. That is something I do. And, typically, whilst I am there, I am eating at a bar-like area (dry campus) pressed against a window watching the world go by. On occasion, I have been known to bring a bag of tea and today was one such occasion. After a meal of salad and fruit (melon makes you "last" longer), I commenced to sipping some Tazo Honeybush (for haiku about tea go here). Just as the four minute window of steeping time had closed, I removed the bag from the mug and began to draw a long, meditative breath of delight. It was a bit cloudy outside -- not the happiest of days as I recall. I raised the brew to my lips and wallowed in the deluctable first sip of a fresh cup of savory, moist leaf. Just as that captivatingly warm liquor plummeted down my throat and into my soul I noticed, for my gaze had not left the world outside the window, that the clouds were parting and a little ray of sunlight was passing betwixt them. No joke, people. Tea, indeed, makes the sun shine.

For those of you who were unawares, the Nemein has recently been converted to the realms of the Blogspot Bloggers. It's good to know that someone is doing their part to keep the balance of Blogger v. Xanga pitted in the right direction. Let him know if you have anything original worth noting.

My final show on the Campbell University stage is coming to a close this weekend. Bittersweet to say the least (that rhymes...). There was alot of negativity and even more worried speculation at the onset of Neil Simon's Rumors, but thanks to some hard work and strict determinacy in ousting all that negativity, ladies and gentlemen, we have a show. Ellis theatre has filled a giant space in my heart and I'm not sure what nor where I will find her replacement. Perhaps more on this later....

Finally, a bit on Love. I love Love. It's so cool. I spent all day Sunday cursing Valentine's day: "Well if we're not secretly getting married because Christian marriage is being persecuted, I don't know why I should celebrate." I say Sunday and not Tuesday because everyone who has a life probably had something to do on Tuesday, so every self-respecting girlfriend/wife made their man postpone the holiday to a more convenient date. However, at the end of the day on Sunday, after a dozen roses, some sappy, chocolate covered fortune cookies, chalk-flavored heart antacids that will never be consumed because they aren't vegetarian (nothing says "I love you" like Tums), some risque literature, a delicious blackened salmon dinner with spinach and black beans, a ten-year-old bottle of vino, and a two-volume "Happy Valentines Day!!" cd-collection comprised by your truly (Vol. I "Dinner," Vol. II "After Dinner"), I came to the striking revelation that V-Day isn't all that bad. Sure it's alot of work and a pain in the ass, but who doesn't like a little romance (if you're single and boo-hooing about being lonely on Valentines, just revel in the fact that you get to save a ton of time and money -- unless you're a girl, then, nobody likes you). So here's to Love. Go Love, you so rock.

I hope you've been a-mused.

P.S. I'm so punny!

Thursday, February 16, 2006

Calling All Blogspotters!!!

This second post of the day is of extreme importance.

If you look to the sidebar you will notice that there has been a frigthening shift in the balance of endorsees. Xanga Bloggers now have one more blog endorsed by The Cobra then the Blogspotters, and that, is unacceptable.

So, start sending in your requests for endorsement immediately! And I don't mean like random blogs that never get updated. Being endorsed by The Cobra bears a great deal of responsibility and I will not stand by while people shirk around their blogging duties.

BLOGGSPOTTERS UNITE!!!!!!

Democracy via America

See how well we set up elections in other countries here

And don't forget to check out Votergate to see how well we run our own elections

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Rockel thinks this is "re-tah-did."

“Ryan Lee Nazionale
presents:
a fairty tale of
Murder, Love and Betrayal
w/one super-hero”
by
Ryan Lee Nazionale














Set: Bare stage. actors use cubes.

lights up. man on stage in suit. he is narrator.
Narrator
Once upon a time...
Enter SABRINA. She frolics toward center stage. As she hits center,
Narrator
Somebody died.
SABRINA clutches throat, gets bug-eyed, and collapses. Enter SAMUEL, friend to SABRINA.

samuel
OH, VILLIANY! VILE TREACHORY! WHY!?!?

NARRATOR
The man’s cry echoed.

samuel
WHY?!?! WHY?! Why!? Why? why?

Narrator
Why, why, why, why, why: what brings us here tonight – a harrowing tale of love, murder, betrayal and fantasy. We will uncover the dark, mysterious answer to young Samuel’s wailing query. But first...flashback.

ACTORS rise and “rewind” off stage making flashback noises.
narrator
8 months ago...

SAMUEL & SABRINA enter with acting cubes for a bench.
samuel
Well, Sabrina, here we are.
sabrina
Yes, Sammy, we are...here.

samuel
Listen, Sabrina, I was wondering if, you know, maybe, if you thought that...that cloud looked like a bunny?

sabrina
Oh. Well, sure, I can see a bunny.

samuel
I’m glad. Heh. Well, look, Sabrina, do you think maybe that you know we might could...stand up and walk around. Not you. Me. Me stand walk. You, sit, stay.

sabrina
Samuel! I am a lady, not a dog. Now what is going on here?

SAMUEL stutters and stammers and makes a general fool of himself. NARRATOR reveals a magic wand, walks behind SAMUEL and waves it a few times.
samuel
(Quickly) Sabrina I think you’re a total babe and really smart and way super awesome will you be my girlfriend?

sabrina
Oh Sammy! Yes.

They frolic offstage.
narrator
AHEM!

SAMUEL & SABRINA re-enter scowling menacingly at NARRATOR and remove cubes.
narrator
Six months later...
Enter SAMUEL & SABRINA frolic to center stage.
samuel
Sabrina, I love you.

sabrina
Oh, Sammy-wammy, I wuv you too.

Exit SAMUEL & SABRINA
Narrator
Love. Young love. Beautiful ain’t it? And what’s more beautiful than love, hmm? American fast-food.
Enter LLOYD who creates a fast food counter. He works at Burger King. He stands behind counter, enter SAMUEL & SABRINA.
LLoyd
Take ‘er urder?

samuel
Yes, I’d like to order a double whopper combo and the lady would like a Big Fish combo.

lloyd
Dranks?

samuel
Two Cokes.

lloyd
Her ‘r g’tow?

samuel
G’tow.

LLOYD passes Burger King bag and drinks over counter to SAMUEL. SAMUEL & SABRINA exit.

lloyd
Oooohh. That Sammy. ‘E really gets muh gristle. ‘At Sab-a-rina is-uh ‘spose-uh be muh lade-uh. Well, if I’s-uh cain’t have ‘er, ‘en nuther cun ‘e. (sinister laugh)

Narrator
The next day...

Enter SAMUEL & SABRINA
lloyd
Take ‘er urder?

samuel
The usual, Lloyd. (pause) With pie.

lloyd
Dranks?

samuel
Two Cokes.

lloyd
(snickers) Her ‘er g’tow?

Samuel
G’tow.

LLOYD passes bag and cups over counter grinning maniacally.
narrator
Unbeknownst to Sabrina, Lloyd had slipped her a deadly Diet Coke with Nutrasweet (pianist strikes a minor chord). A lethal beverage containing Aspartame, a chemical agent containing the popular frog and fetus preserver Formaldehyde that doubles as a fatal poison which the body stores in fat cells in the hips and thighs. Diet, right? Aspartame is highly addictive and alters the chemical makeup of the brain, specifically, dopamine levels a chemical highly related to depression. Boo hoo. Patients coming off Aspartame not only experience heavy withdrawal symptoms but lose an average of 19 pounds! Diet, right? Pregnant women who consume Aspartame run a serious risk of birth defects.
ACTORS are staring at NARRATOR
narrator
Oh. Sorry. Where were we...where were we...AH! Yes! It was a hot day and Sabrina was thirsty.

SABRINA drinks, seizes up, and dies.
samuel
What? Sabrina? (kicks SABRINA, checks pulse) Oh no...NOOO!! Now I’m angry! (rips shirt revealing a “The Hulk” t-shirt) GRRRR!! SMASH! ANGRY!!

SAMUEL jumps, stomps, smashes, etc.
narrator
This behavior went on for a solid 30, 45 seconds at which point...

Samuel settles down, pulls out wallet and hands LLOYD money
samuel
Well, now that that’s all over, here ya go Lloyd. Man, I tell you what, talk about a mistake, I couldn’t get her to shutup like ever.

lloyd
Awl guhl’s tawk too much. ‘Ay shud keeps in a kitch’n uh-makin’ me samwhiches ‘n’ ruht buhrs.
SAMUEL & LLOYD exit with cubes
narrator
Betrayal! Eegads! Samuel set her up. But this story isn’t over yet.
NARRATOR reveals wand, walks to Sabrina’s body, waves wand about her and SABRINA sits up. NARRATOR whispers in her ear and hands her gun.

THE END.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

Adult Swim

Wanna see what all the fuss (and fire) is about?

Check out the Cartoons that could cause WW III.

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

P.S.

If you want to be super-ultra witty and totally "with it," then you have to use the ultimate in witty comeback prefixes: P.S.

Now, "P.S." is shorthand for "Post Script." Which means it comes after something already written; in speech it means it comes after something already said.

For example:

Tom: Elron Hubbard totally kicks ass! P.S. Katie Holmes is a total babe.

--OR--

Mo: I talked to God and He said that you should all listen to me because I'm totally awesome. P.S. Kill all Jews.

--OR--

The Cobra: This Quiz Totally Kicks Ass. P.S. Rockel likes boys.

This infinitely amazing language application can be used in tandem with another individuals "P.S."

For Example:

The Cobra: This Quiz Totally Kicks Ass. P.S. Rockel likes boys.
Frank: P.S. that is so last week.
Bob: P.S. Rockel's so gay he tatooed a rainbow on his forehead.
The Cobra: P.S. Bob likes Rockel's rainbow.

In order to cement this totally rockin' literary phenomenon I will present you with this completely inappropriate and wholly malicious use of the "P.S."

Lloyd: P.S. I'm an auto-mechanic.

You see how that doesn't work?!?! He didn't say anything first to constitute the need for a postscript. This faux pas could have totally been avoided had this taken place:

Lloyd: Hi. P.S. I'm an auto-mechanic.

So, ladies and gentlemen, consider yourself enlightened in the ways of modern english. I'm sure this lesson has been informative and that you all payed very close attention because there will be a quiz later.

P.S. I can't believe how much I rule.

Monday, February 06, 2006

A Quiz that Totally Doesn't Suck

True or False: This statement is False.

Friday, February 03, 2006

Sudoku

Funny Sudoku story:

Recently, during rehearsal for "Rumours" by Neil Seimon, Amber passes me a page from her sudoku. I say,
"Sudoku is way gay. I can't believe what a loser you are."

I did the puzzle completely out of spite.

The next day, I'm at Inside-Out Sports next to Whole Foods Market on Wade Avenue in Raleigh. She's working and I'm waiting for her lunch break so we can go to the airport and I can go to New York.

She has recently purchased a sudoku book.

"I don't even know how to play." says she.

"I'll show you."

I do the first three puzzles.

She's wants to play.

"Fine."

She begins.

I wait.

"5 goes there."

"I know."

She squints real hard.

"Oh."

"Sudoku is so lame."

Time passes. It's time to go to the airport. We leave. Mushy-mushy, and I'm alone next to the
terminal waiting for my plane to arrive. I've already got a new high score on my cell phone application "Tetris," and I need something else to do. After reading a chapter of Jean-Paul Sartre's "Essays in Existentialism," I go exploring in RDU.

I find a Sudoku Puzzle book in a small, overpriced bookstore. Ironkically enough, it's composed by the same person as Tracie's.

The book is mine.

I'm on puzzle 24.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Groundhogese

That being the official language of Punxsutawney Phil -- your favorite groundhog and mine.

Today, Punxsutawney Phil (P.P.) made his 119th State of the Union's Weather Address.

The result: six more depressing weeks of winter.

My spirits were high, but they were smashed down by that furry little rodent's supernatural sensory abilities in weather prediction. I'm considering having a nervous breakdown, going to intensive psychotherapy, and mailing P.P. my bills.

So, moving from P.P. to another, here are my favorite quotes from Dubyah's State of the Union Address:

"Tonight the state of our Union is strong -- and together we will make it stronger." -- Like he was gonna say "it's weak, and you morons are making it worse!"

"America rejects the false comfort of isolationism. We are the nation that saved liberty in Europe, and liberated death camps, and helped raise up democracies, and faced down an evil empire. Once again, we accept the call of history to deliver the oppressed and move this world toward peace." -- Look what I can do!

"Our offensive against terror involves more than military action. Ultimately, the only way to defeat the terrorists is to defeat their dark vision of hatred and fear by offering the hopeful alternative of political freedom and peaceful change." -- See, we fight terrorists with Hope. And hopefully we'll win; as long as Hope is on our side.

"And now the leaders of Hamas must recognize Israel, disarm, reject terrorism, and work for lasting peace. " -- Funny, I don't think those ideals are on the Hamas platform...

"We show compassion abroad because Americans believe in the God-given dignity and worth of a villager with HIV/AIDS, or an infant with malaria, or a refugee fleeing genocide, or a young girl sold into slavery." -- And we show it by making false promises to the people of Africa and protecting corrupt leaders in Haiti.

"The only alternative to American leadership is a dramatically more dangerous and anxious world." -- We are the Valium, the Paxil, and the Zoloft of the world.

"In the last two-and-a-half years, America has created 4.6 million new jobs -- more than Japan and the European Union combined." -- Did you know: In 2003, GM and Ford employed almost 700,000 people? That's over 15% of those "new jobs." So when they get laid off, they'll have somewhere else to go, right?

"Every year of my presidency, we've reduced the growth of non-security discretionary spending, and last year you passed bills that cut this spending. This year my budget will cut it again, and reduce or eliminate more than 140 programs that are performing poorly or not fulfilling essential priorities." -- This is the real cost of War. 140 programs that are not essential priorites because they are not "security" related. Here is an interesting article on how much some of these 140 programs cost. And not to mention that total federal spending has increased by 42%

"America is addicted to oil..." -- I'm yo' pushaaaaa!!!!

"We'll also fund additional research in cutting-edge methods of producing ethanol, not just from corn, but from wood chips and stalks, or switch grass." -- Switch Grass???? WTF?

"Tonight I announce an American Competitiveness Initiative, to encourage innovation throughout our economy, and to give our nation's children a firm grounding in math and science." -- 'Cuz today's youngsters cain't count so good.

"we must never give in to the belief that America is in decline" -- Deny everything.

"Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research: human cloning in all its forms, creating or implanting embryos for experiments, creating human-animal hybrids..." -- What about Mr. Tumnus? Can he stay?

"let us also work for the day when all Americans are protected by justice, equal in hope, and rich in opportunity." -- I'm sorry, but shouldn't we be rich in hope, and equal in opportunity...?

"We've entered a great ideological conflict we did nothing to invite. " -- I didn't do it, no one saw me do it, can't prove a thing!

"Before history is written down in books, it is written in courage. " -- See, before it's written, it's written, but on different stuff. It's written in soft and fluffy things like rhetoric.

"May God bless America." -- Or you can go to Hell.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

This Blog Totally Rocks

This one.

Join along on one young female's journey through the hustle and bustle of this thing we call life.

Might it also be said that Little Miss Nomad made a desperate appeal to my emotions which I was not prepared to endure. Let this be a warning to others: your pain is nothing to me. Jaime's words cut, healed, and scarred. Whatever semblance of a heart I had left has been hardened and immune to any attacks inflicted by you upon discovering the exclusion of your blog from my sidebar. If you wish your blog to receive my highly coveted endorsement you must appeal to a more objective, utilitarian, humorous, or insightful realm of my consciousness.

In other news:

I love fish.

It took me becoming a vegetarian to even consider the wide world of fish.

I guess that doesn't make me a vegetarian. A "vegequarian" would be a more accurate term.

I like red snapper, sea bass, salmon, tilapia, mahi mahi, and swordfish.

I do not like catfish. They eat shit.

Sunday, January 29, 2006

Progress

It's a good thing.

As you may or may not have noticed, I have revamped ye old Ego.

If you feel that your blog is worthy of my endorsement and find its absence disconcerting, you may submit to me a short essay (less than 100 words) explaining why your blog should be included in my list.

There are also some fun little links I would recommend. Check back on those. They might be changed and updated or deleted.

enjoy

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

It's all so clear now...

You scored as Anarchism. <'Imunimaginative's Deviantart Page'>

Anarchism

100%

Green

92%

Democrat

42%

Socialist

33%

Communism

25%

Republican

25%

Nazi

0%

Fascism

0%

What Political Party Do Your Beliefs Put You In?
created with QuizFarm.com

I've been so curious for so long on just how I could pigeon-hole myself. Thank you QuizFarm.com for showing me precisely where I belong on the political spectrum with your bubble-in E-queries. I wonder how many people say they love the teachings of Benito Mussolini. How many people recognize the name, know his teachings, or still believe in Fascism. I would argue that the only remaining fascists in America are too ignorant to realize that Il Duce invented da damn thang.

Holler.